I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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