woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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