new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
