Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
