I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
