i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.