sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF