The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool