were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?