My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
