He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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