You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize