either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
