he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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