a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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