No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
