During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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