Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
