Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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