Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
