Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there's paper in my vomit.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
