my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
