Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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