it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
