Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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