haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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