So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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