I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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