why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When are your genitals available?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
