i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
