i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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