New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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