Umm I'm too high to move.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
