He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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