I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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