garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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