White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
