YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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