i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
