I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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