yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
