the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This baby is an asshole
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
