Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
