Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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