So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
being pregnant is like rehab
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
