sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
