this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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