so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
