why didn't you poke me back
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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