Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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