I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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