when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
