New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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