New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The uberlube is also flammable
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
