I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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