im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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