Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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