i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
did you just send me my own nude
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
