I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
