First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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