My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
