i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
