Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
