Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
