He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i out mim tonsoeep
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
