she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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