I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
