it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They took my balls.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
