she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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