I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
