I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
