i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
