you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
