Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
