i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
