I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
