You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
