I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
