PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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