Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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