i just had sex bonerless
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
