I wish my penis had an off switch
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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