I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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