And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
