sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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